my little Godzilla

6 10 2010

My daughter’s care provider told me yesterday that she is aggressive with the other children at daycare. Not pushing-and-shoving aggressive – more that she wants to hug and kiss everyone, but is rather unsturdy on her feet.

Combined with the unsturdiness of her hapless recipients, the end result is a toppling of toddlers to the ground. Then come the tears, the boo-boos to kiss and general frustration that my little girl keeps doing this.

What it comes down to is that my daughter doesn’t know her own strength and when she goes to hug and kiss a friend, she ends up inadvertently mauling them. Her care provider says she’s even managing to do this to the older kids.

While part of me sympathizes and understands the frustration these other children feel by having to deal with an affectionate Godzilla who crashes them to the ground with every hug, another part of me things is this really such a terrible thing?

Yes, yes of course I understand that my little girl needs to learn about boundaries but she also knows how to be gentle.

We own two cats whom she adores; the feeling is not mutual, however our one cat Spike does tolerate being petted by DD because we’ve taught her to be gentle.

This morning when I dropped DD off, I asked the care provider to give DD guidance to be gentle. I guarantee it won’t take long for my little Godzilla to learn that other children deserve the same care as she gives our cats.

What do you think? Am I under-reacting to this situation? Am I viewing it subjectively because I’m the parent to the toddler who is unwittingly mauling her friends?

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6 responses

6 10 2010
emmalina73

Honestly there isn’t a lot you can do. She’ll get there and if her intentions are out of affection then you are in the safe zone. If she was being mean that would be one thing but if she is just a little over zealous with her affections then it is just a process of time and refinement in her body. She is very little, there is a looooong way to go!

My view is that you pay your care provider to take a parental role, which means teaching and helping her learn social boundaries. All kids have to learn! Some are just a bit more bullish than others. My kids will hug you whether you want to be hugged or not, that includes Huwyl who is 5! Enjoy the crazy snuggles, they are the best bit ; )

6 10 2010
melgallant

Thanks Emma,

I’m in total agreement – enjoy the crazy snuggles. DD’s intentions are completely good. We’ll see at the end of the day how well the caregiver was able to help DD be gentle with her affection. 😉

6 10 2010
Connie

As someone who knows and loves DD I say bring the hugs and kisses on. In fact if you could get her to come over and topple my 3 year old that would be awesome! In all honesty though, this is a very common pattern for children her age, and she will learn eventually – through a little gentle encouragement and an improvement in gross motor skills – how to make sure the hugs don’t cause toppling. It’s wonderful that she is so affectionate!

6 10 2010
melgallant

Thanks Con – I think it’s wonderful too. And I guess it could be worse – she could be biting or hitting. Or wait…is that stage yet to come? 😉

17 11 2010
Lara

Quinn loves to give his big brothers really long hugs and they end up looking a little drunk as they wobble and hobble around the room with Quinn unwilling to let go. Because Kiernan is 4 he can hang on a bit longer I don’t get as worried about it being rough, but they still often go down 😉

I don’t think it’s a big deal either. If she is reminded to be gentle, she’ll learn.

17 11 2010
Mel Gallant

That’s our focus – to remind DD to be gentle. She knows to do that too. I think in her excitement though, she forgets. 😉

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